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On-call noise crushing you? This guide shows how to cut alert fatigue with a minimalist Bash pipeline using jq/sqlite/curl/coreutils: normalize alerts, fingerprint and throttle duplicates, then use a small LLM to score actionability and route-high/critical go to Slack now, low/medium go to hourly digests. Includes ignore-list patterns, systemd timers/services, DRY_RUN shadow mode, and copy-pasteable scripts to ship today.